Me, just about to pop with Charlotte, 4 years agoSo, there's just no denying it now. Yesterday I heard the heartbeat, that surprisingly fast pounding that was definitely not mine and definitely meant baby. Shoot. I had been holding out, hoping against hope that maybe the nausea and fatigue was something else.... It's embarrassing what this reveals about myself, but I've been so angry, dejected, and resentful about this pregnancy. I've been feeling so sorry for myself. It's not what I wanted. I was done, I tell you! Done with 9-month flu-like pregnancies, the postpartum abyss, the sleepless zombie months, diapers, strollers, the terrible threes, etc. I was done. I was making plans, for crying out loud, BIG plans: finishing that novel, culinary school , a master's degree and now I'll be pushing forty, FORTY, before I'm there with opportunity again.
But, something happens when you hear that heartbeat. Something softens, begins to love, gives in to the inevitable....
Anyone who was around four years ago, knows that I was less than enthusiastic about getting pregnant with baby #3. We were in the depths of grad school, cramped in a 570 sq. ft. apartment, overwhelmed with a 3 and 1-yr-old, tired of babies, blah, blah, blah. I pissed and moaned the entire nine months, cursing my fertility. Mark and I didn't talk to each other for weeks. Even in delivery I was spit mad to be having a baby. But as soon as that girl came out....well, she may just be the best thing that has ever happened to me. So, what do I know? Obviously nothing. Obviously nothing, baby #4. Your mamma knows nothing. I guess what I'm saying is, Welcome.
6 comments:
Annie you are the best!!!! I love your hoesty, and now you can start to get a little excited-
Oh, i remember so well when you told me about being pregnant with Charlotte! Hard to wrap your brain around the unplanned, isn't it?!? We also have one of those, and like you, can't even imagine our life with out her! Truly, you guys are great parents...lucky, lucky baby.
I was spittin' mad with #3, too (though I never stopped speaking to my husband) -- hope the best for your fourth!
Any baby that gets to be part of your family is darn lucky... You are such a good mom already Ann...
Oh my gosh!!!! congratulations!! sometimes god has other plans than we do;) What if it's a boy....!
ANN!!!! I've been so bad at keeping in touch. Holy cow! I'm so (insert whichever word you need here) excited/mad/happy/sad for you. I agree with everyone else...what a lucky baby to come to your family!
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